(Backdate: 5/27/14 6:50 PM)
Lately I’ve been asking more and more what God would want from me in my life, other than an intimate relationship with Him. I’ve found myself wondering if I might someday be called to travel to foreign countries to minister and help others in His name, or to travel to other states, or maybe just to reach out more to those around me in my community and in the church. I know I still have a lot of growing to do and His work will never fully be done in my life. It is a constant progression that needs to be taking place on a daily level.
I’ve been working on a study talking about the spiritual gifts we are given through the Holy Spirit. Right now we’re mostly reading through Helen Calder’s book “Grow Your Prophetic and Prayer Gifts.”
Anytime I have brought this book to anyone’s attention I get a million of the same questions about it. I understand everyone’s concerns for me getting into the wrong thing, but it’s not as if I’m asking someone to show up to a meeting with a chicken and some black candles. If anything, this book is what I would consider a “newer concept” for most Christians out there.
Growing up in baptist churches I never really learned anything about the spiritual gifts we are given through the Holy Spirit, that is to say, that we have to help fulfill Christ’s purposes, not ourselves. This comes through our love for Christ and His love for others. I’ve already stated previously that I believe more Christians have watered down views of the spiritual gifts and how effective they can really be in a destructive world and how, through the Holy Spirit, we can help others learn about Christ and bring them to His family (growing the church.)
Lately I’ve found myself wondering, as I have previously mentioned that God has revealed to me the gift of discernment and that I have realized that there are times when I seem to be more sensitive to the spiritual realm, how can I use it to help others? How can I help others get to know Christ? How can I help grow the church and encourage my brothers and sisters in Him with such a gift? How and I develop and grow in such a gift? I don’t think any one person can fully answer these questions. These are the questions I ask God that only He will reveal to me over time (or when He sees fit) as long as I am seeking Him and seeking that intimate relationship.
Upon researching and getting ready for this study that we started last week, I was constantly getting discouragement from others and oppression from the enemy on the matter. I constantly prayed that if God didn’t want me to do a study in this area that He would let me know so I could work on changing directions. I realized last night, while driving home from Brandon’s house, that the answers I received from this weren’t necessarily the ones I was looking for. It’s often that the answer you’re expecting is not the one you will get, which can cause you to easily overlook your answers.
What I realized is that while praying that I would have an answer to this, I was almost constantly under oppression from the enemy anytime I tried to go ahead and plan for this. I even received discouragement from others in the church, as well as all the questions from close believers in my life (their’s were actually more just objective but it still made me feel run down having to explain it over and over.) I told God that I would go ahead and push through anything that tried to keep me from doing this unless I knew He didn’t want me to do so. The amount of demonic oppression I received was a sign enough that it was something the enemy didn’t want me to do, which lead me to conclude that I should keep going. My mom talked to my dad a little on the matter and he told her it sounded more like I was being harassed.
It affected me on and off up until the last minute before we started reading from this book. I had to step outside before we started and had a slight feeling of dread and found tears uncontrollably streaming down my face for no known reason that could be from me. I went in after I finally was able to stop crying and as we prayed I found it happening all over again along with high amounts of anxiety. The tears and feelings of dread and anxiety ceased as soon as we had finished praying.
All I’m wanting to do is bring others into a better understanding of their relationships with Christ, the things He provides for us to grow His church, and to be aware of the kind of demonic influence that is around us in the spiritual realm, along with how we can be better equipped to deal with it (meaning, how we deal with it through Christ.)
I’m glad to say that even with the discouragement and oppression that we went through with it and will be reading the next chapter this week.
I’m also glad to report that most of the week since then I have had a long enjoyment in the Lord. I’ve had such excitement in Him. Although yesterday and today I have felt a little worn down, this whole situation has really taught me that even though I might be discouraged from time to time I need to push through it. Even if I don’t fully feel it in the moment, I need to call on the Lord and ask for strength when I feel weak and weary. That the importance of helping others is too great for me to give up and go home.
Thank you to any of you who have been praying for me throughout this. I appreciate it and hope to have your prayers in the future as I look for what God wants of me after this study.