(Backdate: 5/19/14 11:11 PM)
Lately, on and off, my biggest fear has been putting myself before God’s plans. If I’m lead to take a break from any of the current things I’m studying regarding Him and to work on my own life I will, but for now I feel a great importance for what Brandon and I are kind of working on.
I’ve been praying more and more that God would reveal more of His plans for us and what He has in store for the gifts we are given through the Holy Spirit. I’ve been praying that we will desire, more and more, our relationship with Christ and through that we will desire these gifts to further His purpose. I’ve been praying for love, because I know I need more of it, and how He might use me to help others in similar situations or to help bring others to get to know Christ.
At this point I just need to keep working on what I’m working on and let Him decide how it will be used.
I’ve had conversations with both positive and negative feedback on it and lately the negative has been trying to get to me. I explained to Brandon that this has been a heavy burden in me and is almost seared into my brain, and because of that it is my primary focus and I feel I am constantly under attack from the enemy for it. I’ve felt very drained lately and even through my excitement for becoming closer in the Lord I still feel drained. I’ve tried taking time off from my typical cleaning/working outside of where I already work but that hasn’t seemed to help. It seems the further and further I get into all of this the more tired I am. I am so thankful that I have such a loving, merciful God that will help me through this and give me such an excitement to do His works and try to help further his purpose.
I’ve been especially abstaining from certain things in my life, like drinking much, TV, video games, etc. because I fear that those distractions will cause me to let my guard down to the enemy while I am trying to focus on God. I’m glad that He has given me this foresight to do so so I’m not stuck in the middle of another warfare.
I do believe that I have the gift of discernment, as given to me only through the Holy Spirit. And it is only through the Holy Spirit that I am aware of this and through our Lord, Jesus Christ, that I have had this confirmed (I asked.) I’ve had doubts over the past few weeks, either from my own human nature and knowing how unworthy I am or from the enemy placing it there (or both) and after talking with God more and more I know it has been confirmed. I don’t need to take a silly test online, or to ask others of their experiences in this, God has confirmed it for me. Now is the time for me to learn about it and how to help it mature and grow so that I can help those around me, through the love of Jesus Christ.
I can’t tell you how much I would love to help others deal with oppression or use it for confirmation of what God might be telling us.. I pray on a daily basis He will continue to guide me and use me as a tool to help His cause and to grow his church, that is, to bring others to get to know how amazing Christ is.
I pray that all who read this will come to understand how much I need their prayers, support, and fellowship in the Lord for whatever plans He has for me in all of this.
Praise be to God!
Edit: I will hopefully be posting more about some of my experiences concerning all of this in the near future, along with my thoughts, feelings, and beliefs of what I’ve come across as of late. Hopefully I will continue to have a fire inside me to get my own word out there to reach out to others who might be going through similar things.