(Backdate: 6/11/14 8:24 PM)
I’d have to say that some of the worst feelings are loneliness and hopelessness. Besides general irritability or anger, those are the two that easily effect me.
Most of the time I’m fine. Lately I’ll have phases where things will start to wear on me, which seem to get worse as the days go by. Eventually this can lead to a severe depression. Feelings of loneliness coupled with anger can be a bit confusing as you feel that you miss being around people but once you’re actually around them you want to be left completely alone.
Today is one of those days.
I miss hanging out with people and being able to socialize somewhat, but at the same time, as of right now, I don’t want to have anything to do with anyone. I want to hide away and make everyone leave me alone. I want to say “screw it” to everything and everyone.
I realize the dangers in such thinking and I know just what road that leads down for me, mentally and emotionally. It’s not pleasant and snapping out of it can be difficult.
Of course anyone that I might talk to about these moods, or the thoughts that are brought with them, typically don’t understand the full situation of it. I get those who will try to tell me to stop worrying (which it’s not really a worry, but severe disappointment) or ones that will say I need to consider future relationships about this or that. It’s all very frustrating when you sometimes just want someone to listen and tell you it’ll get better. To find some words of encouragement, rather than go on as if you should just snap out of it, as if that’s possible.
I am truly thankful that I have the Lord and He has saved me. Without Him I don’t even know if I would have been here by now and I know that He’s the only one that can really lift me up. I guess that’s the problem with some of the close people around you, that never see you as someone to fellowship with, is that often times they don’t recognize the kind of encouragement you actually need.
On another note, sometimes it really sucks coming to God given realizations no one else seems to understand. But I know that I have to keep my faith on some matters and leave them alone.