Note: I had made this password protected but have decided to undo that. I still have a lot of issues of fear due to this experience and have had a lot of nightmares because of it, but still feel it’s important either way.
I was laying on my bed to take a nap this afternoon, on my back, Nixon laying on my right side where he normally sleeps. Suddenly I had a mental image of a thin women, light grey skin (almost looked like a zombie but without loss of skin or showing blood anywhere), shoulder length scraggly hair (as if it was wet, though it wasn’t), wearing a dirty, old, faded sun dress. Her mouth was open very wide and while open was about the size of a really large grapefruit. I could see her teeth around her open mouth, dirty and decaying, with a slight smile across her face. She had a crazed look about her, especially in the face.
She was standing next to the side of my bed, around where Nixon sleeps and I was against the wall, leaning over as if to attack me with her hands. I don’t know if the intent was to strangle me, scratch me, bite me.. All I know is that she was going to attack me, I was putting up a fight, holding off her hands, while looking for my knife. I remember thinking that I “would stab her to see if she was real or a demon.”
I had to remind myself that if she were a real person Nixon would be barking at her as she came in the room. If she were a demon she could have just shown up without him noticing. He didn’t bark during these moments.
I opened my eyes, as I had been awake the whole time, and began to pray that those images would leave me so I could rest. They went away and didn’t return until I was waking up, though the second time they weren’t as strong in my mind. I would normally say it could have been my sub conscious bringing this imagery back to mind but I don’t believe that is the case. I had just been having some very weird, detailed dreams when I thought I heard my mom’s dog messing with the backdoor blinds, wanting outside. I heard this sound a couple of times but when I went into the living room where she was, she was no where near the door. In fact, she was sitting at the front windows in the dinning room. It could have been that I took just long enough for her to go from the back door to the front of the house but it didn’t seem that likely. She doesn’t move very fast, but I know that sound. Maybe I took too long to get up to check on her and didn’t realize it.
This imagery kept bothering me slightly after I woke up. I don’t know what kind of nature of the thing that put it there (as I know it wasn’t from my own mind). I understand the general nature and intent of such things but I’m not sure about this specific type. I wish I could understand it all more. Or learn more someday; right now it’s confusing.
I have had a similar experience when going into my garage to leave for work in morning. That time it was a man, crazed expression on his face, grinning with teeth showing, longer-scraggly hair, arms reaching out, coming to attack me. I remember seeing what looked like small boils or blisters covering most of his face near and around his mouth, his arms slightly buff as he wasn’t as tall as Brandon but was pretty stocky or “built”. It happened so suddenly in my mind that I thought I was going to have a heart attack. After that I still turn the garage light on before going in there while leaving.
These mental images are far too detailed and random to be that of my own imagination. Even during times when walking to my car and randomly thinking about what I would do if someone walked around to attack me, the images I have in my head are never detailed. They’re very basic unless I make an effort to give them detail. These are different. They are not of my own mind. It’s like seeing something out of a horror movie you’ve never actually watched. Something that you have no idea how you could ever come up with the images from your own imagination unless you were actually trying.
After getting up I began to feel a little off. The only way I could describe it was, “I feel wrong.” I was starting to feel irritable, upset, and wanting to just go and cry. Anytime I felt like crying I would feel incredibly sad and not actually have anything to cry about, or anything to be sad about for that matter.
I prayed that if God was teaching me something or trying to show me something, He would. I prayed that I understand He is in control and will take care of me regardless of how I feel/felt. That if He wasn’t trying to teach or show me something that these things would leave me alone. I know they’re aware of me to some extent. I don’t know if them bothering me is more just for their own amusement, trying to bring me down, or if they’re trying to hinder me from something specific. I wish I could say that I know what this situation was about or that God would just speak to me and tell me so I could understand. I don’t feel I’ve heard anything about it other than noticing Him calming me down a little. I still feel a little sensitive right now but I guess that can be expected given the circumstances.