Yesterday was an interesting day. I had a great day with Brandon while he was over. We talked about God’s plans for us, what we had been reading about or learning from the Bible so far, went to some stores, and just had a good time.
The evening started to feel a little strange to me as the night came on when we had gone to eat with my parents. I found myself impatient and wanting to hurry to eat so we could leave. I’ve also found myself very impatient in regards to my mom lately, which bothers me, and though I have some theories it feels like there’s something more bothering me than just one the surface.
After Brandon had left I was planning on reading my Bible. I found myself distracted by going to smoke, then deciding to start my laundry, then went ahead and took a shower. It was like I was delaying myself from reading and I recognized it and was trying to hurry to get my things done. I felt guilty for doing so and felt it all hindering me.
After that I started to read some but felt really off, distracted, unable to really focus on what I was reading. I kept thinking about praying and felt as if I was telling myself I didn’t need to do that. That I didn’t want to talk to him. I know how important it is to talk to him and I usually end up doing it most of the time, so that was unusual and disturbed me.
When Brandon got home he got online and started talking to me. He had been feeling kind of bummed out about how things are currently, us having to wait for our happiness together, which is understandable. He was telling me about how him and God had talked the whole way home about everything and had conversations together. He told me that God told him some things that he felt was to cheer him up, in regards to our future children (Caleb, Abigail, and Rachel: some of the names we had discussed that we liked). I guess they talked about a multitude of things while he was driving around.
I was still feeling kind of off, almost a little down and upset, couldn’t focus, felt distracted by everything, and felt like I was trying to tell myself I didn’t want to bother talking with God (which bothered me most out of everything). I started feeling a little uncomfortable.
I discussed this with Brandon and the issues I’ve had in feeling sensitive that I haven’t been able to hear the Lord myself lately started stirring up again. I started to cry. Uncontrollable tears streaming down my face. I felt guilty and I wasn’t even sure why.
Brandon prayed about it and told me that I need to get rid of the porcelain ram’s head that was in my room. I had this for quite a while, since I first started living with my now ex-husband. He had told me recently it was bothering him a little and I was planning on trying to sell it to get rid of it.
Brandon told me that there was something that was hindering me from being able to hear Him. As if the enemy had a bubble of silence around me. He said he got the imagery of someone in a long, brown coat kicking down the door and pulling a dark shadow out of the ram’s head, being angry that things were there. I was apparently at my desk in this vision and was hunched over my desk, not even noticing that the door to my bedroom had been kicked in.
After that I took the ram’s head out of the house and threw it in the trashcan outside. (I broke part of it with a mallet this morning on my way out. It was too late to be busting up a thick piece like that in the middle of the night.)
After that was over I was feeling uncomfortable. I came inside the house through the garage and was feeling a little better. I came through the entry way through the game room to the living room (where I had one of the only lights on as all the living room lights were already off), and as I turned the light off I could have sworn I heard a sound my mom makes when she’s clearing her throat as if she was in the living room where I couldn’t see her in the dark. I remembered Ivy might have been asleep in there but I remember distinctly hearing the sound as if my mom had made it. I didn’t turn to look and just continued to my room and closed both the doors that lead in.. and locked them (I was that uncomfortable).
I explained to Brandon that I still felt uncomfortable and kept feeling like someone was going to sneak up on me. I felt like something was in my bathroom (which opens up to my room) just watching me, making me uncomfortable. I kept wanting to turn around to make sure no one else was behind me. I kept picturing it being the man in the brown coat (which I had also seen in a previous vision, slightly, but it was too fuzzy and I lost it).
Brandon started praying and asking about it and said he pictured a hand coming in and strangling one of them in my bathroom, and then the house being completely flooded as it drowned the other, causing it to fade away.
I had also been praying that they would leave me alone, that if it was the Lord’s presence near me (which I didn’t feel it) that he wouldn’t scare me.. I was afraid of what I was feeling.
After Brandon had prayed about it and told me what he had seen I felt better. My bathroom no longer felt uncomfortable and creepy and I wasn’t worried about someone coming up behind me.
I’m still having trouble getting started today and still feel distracted. I don’t really know what’s going on.
There are still things in my house that I pray we will be able to find the cause of it to remove them and not allow them back in. I know of one item that popped into my head this last week and felt compelled about, it’s something my mom owns that I haven’t been able to find on my own but I know it needs to go. She can’t remember where it is as she said it’s no longer where she put it. It could have easily been that she moved it and forgot or for some reason wasn’t fully sure she wanted to get rid of it.. I’m not sure.
I’m worried about her and the way things have been this week. She’s been feeling sick a lot and has hardly had any energy. I think she left the house maybe two or three times total since Friday of last week.
I worry that if something is causing the effects of how she’s been feeling that she’ll just continually think she needs to go the doctors and I really don’t like her going to her chiropractor all the time. Her chiropractor is the one that sold her the item that needs to go. Pray I can find it. It’s kind of hard to look for it when she’s home all the time.
I’m not feeling well today myself. Mostly mentally or emotionally, I feel kind of blocked. I hope it fades. Brandon wonders if me getting rid of the ram’s head was kind of stirring up the hornet’s nest. Could be.. I just hope whatever comes of it doesn’t hinder me from learning and moving forward.