God was with me in my room last night. I had been praying to him and asking him to come be with me (fully aware and also knowing that he is always with me) but I asked him to come to my room. Whether he did so because of me asking or not, I do not know and will not assume one or the other.
I felt a presence in my room that I have felt before, it usually makes me uncomfortable and afraid. Last night, with my eyes closed, I knew it was Him. The instant that I questioned the “what if” scenario towards that I suddenly didn’t know if it was him or could be something else.
The presence was different from anything I’ve felt previously. Normally his comfort is kind of a warm and fuzzy feeling.. you know, comforting. Then there’s the happy-in-the-spirit feeling too, which is more of a happy and excited feeling. Then there’s all the crap the enemy can make you feel.
The presence I had felt (and have in the past on occasion) wasn’t intentionally scary or frightening, it was as if you were expecting someone to be right behind you or next to you when you suddenly open your eyes. That you may be startled, but their intention was not to scare you. It also has a strong, powerful feeling about it. That’s what causes me to feel afraid, is the power.
It reminded me of the Old Testament when someone would see an angel and fall to their faces out of fear. At first I wondered if maybe he had sent an angel to me for protection or something. I was on the phone with Brandon at the time and asked him to ask Him for me.
Brandon said my question I wanted him to ask seemed pretty cut and dry. I had to explain why I wanted him to ask what I said, then realized that maybe that’s why Brandon usually doesn’t ask the questions I bring up because of a lack of understanding in WHY I’m asking a certain way.
Anyway, he asked and said that God told him it was his right hand. That’s what I was feeling. Brandon was a little confused by it but my first thought went to all the times it was mentioned about God stretching out his hand or moving things with his hand.
Not long after that Brandon got off the phone with me and I had an experience I have never had before in my life. I’m not sure I can even put it into words. At first it was as if God was showing me (because of the slight things I perceived) that he could take my spirit up from my body to be with him right then. That I could go right then. I found myself telling him “no, there are other things to do here” which I know he knows better than I do. My first thought was about my dog, who was laying right next to me, and I had a fear of leaving him behind. In a way, I feel that I failed Him and that he was testing me. That my love for even my dog was stronger than a love for Him. I’m not sure if I’m correct in thinking that or not, but I also did recognize after that (almost like coming to my senses about it) that there was a lot of work to be done here first.
The slight visual I had (or perceived) was as if you opened up reality, half was my room, with my dog, and half was of the stars and galaxies.. God was there and his angels, and others, looking down towards me. I didn’t have a clear view of them but they were there. It was beautiful and never what people explain “heaven” to be like. [It’s interesting to me how what we consider beautiful doesn’t even compare to his beauty and the things he has created. His beauty is so much that it’s almost frightening at times because it’s so unknown and amazing.. nothing we could ever imagine or anything we do imagine. We’re all wrong in our own imaginations.]
It was like being able to see two sides. Him on the right, with the stars and hosts, and then my room on the left. I was completely amazed at the beauty of it all and I can’t even explain what it truly looked like.
I had another experience not long after that. I was talking with him and praying for people I would have never thought to pray for (groups of people) and then I found myself feeling tingly almost, all over my body. At one point I found it becoming difficult to breathe and almost got concerned until I realized that even if I stopped breathing I’d be fine; God was with me. I then also realized I could take deeper breaths.
I prayed that whatever God may have to show me he would. That whatever he wished me to do, he would tell me. I felt almost as if my spirit was going to fly out of me and soar on a journey. I wondered if that’s what it was like when Peter went into a trance.
I’m incredibly thankful that he showed me that. I know it’s not fully what he wants to show me but it’s a start of it. I pray I will stay patient and will hear from him more and more, as the frost recedes.
I long to be able to hear from him more and more clearly than ever before (was not intending to rhyme with that).
Another note: When I was asking Brandon to inquire for me about what presence I was feeling, I did end up praying that if it was him I would accept it and not be afraid. That I would recognize it as him and not mistake it for the enemy.
That’s a presence I’m going to have to get used to. It can be a little startling and scary, but he’s so much more worth anything I could put into words. I wish that I could experience it again and again.