I’ve had clarity last night and today for the first time in quite a while. There’s been a lot going on lately, which is also one reason that I had stopped writing.. or maybe that was the cause and effect. I did stop writing for a while to be able to focus more on my reading, praying, and overall relationship with God. I stopped a lot of things to work on that. I’m slowly coming back around and this has been one of the first times I’ve actually wanted to write in a while.
I’ve written things in notebooks here and there to document experiences and times but I haven’t actually sat down with the full intention to write about those experiences.
Where to begin? I guess I could get out my note-book and look through where to start. I think I’ll start with the experience I had that made me think of writing to begin with. The woman laughing.
Written December 12th, 2014, 12:11, for the night before
I had fallen asleep on Brandon’s couch and awoke in the dark game room. I got up, changed clothes, and crawled in bed with Brandon and both of the dogs. As I was laying there trying to go back to sleep I heard a distinct sound of a woman laughing. It was a short, throaty laugh that could have easily been mistaken of a door creaking (IF any of their doors moved and creaked, which they didn’t). It was loud enough that it seemed to be coming from the hallway close to Brandon’s dad’s office. I know it wasn’t just in my head as Nixon’s head shot up when it happened, and knowing he’s not very sensitive to those kinds of things, I know that it happened in the physical realm if he heard it.
After that I wasn’t able to sleep well at all. The room became incredibly uncomfortable and felt all too close to the way my room at home feels quite often. You’re on edge as if something is going to pop out in front of you at any moment. Afraid to close your eyes you try to keep them open, avoiding looking at any shadowy places in the room (in case something there moves), and you just try to hold your eyes open long enough for you to become so tired you pass out and close them. But right as you get to that point you’re suddenly wide awake again and going through those motions for a second, third, fourth, fifth, sixth time. You get the idea. You could also try imagining that someone’s holding a gun and you know they’re about to shoot and a ridiculously loud noise is about to happen any moment but you don’t know when.
Brandon didn’t hear it at all, he was out cold, and surprisingly Kimber didn’t hear it either. He’s usually more alert than that but maybe he was out cold too.
That wasn’t the first time I had heard a female laugh. I had heard another one a couple of weeks prior when I was at my house. It had woken me up and I thought that maybe I had mistaken what I had heard as being my dad in the kitchen getting ready for work. I went back to sleep to later being woken up to him actually in the kitchen, using the coffee grinder, and realized that what I had heard was NOT my dad. That laugh at the time sounded more like a giggle, however, and seemed more innocent than the second one. I guess in some regards I could explain the second one sounding more like something you’d hear from the Grudge or the Ring, that backwards kind of throaty sound but in a laugh.
Either way, I do not like being woken up to, or unable to go to sleep, because of some thing that is trying to set me off. When those moments of fear strike you it’s very hard to calm yourself down, collect your thoughts, pray with pure faith, and have it all leave you and be in peace. There are very few people who I know that can relate and understand what that’s like.
No, I do not want to hear any more of the “Well God watches of you and nothing will happen to you. You just have to have faith/maybe you’re not praying right and that’s why they’re not leaving” crap. If you’re saying things like that then you haven’t had similar experiences that cause you to have such a strong sense of fear that you almost feel as though you would rather not exist.
But then, that’s their goal now isn’t it? I’ve been battling with parts of the spiritual realm for quite a while now and it’s not very often that I feel myself or have much clarity. Some of it might be around because of me and some of it might be around because of others I live around, I’m not sure. Or maybe it’s a mixture of both. It’s hard to figure out what is the cause of it all, especially when it’s constantly blindsiding you.
Either way I need to remember to pray for the truth and I hope that I will be able to see things more clearly soon.
Keep praying for me and other around me, as we all go through these blind spots and I know there are things we need to push through.. it’s difficult to remember that at times though.
Hopefully I’ll get some more things written soon. I have a few other experiences I know I could write about, but only as I feel I should I suppose. I miss the days of feeling inspired to write.