2 Timothy 1:7
For God has not given us a spirit of fearfulness, but one of power, love, and sound judgement.
God loves us, there’s no mistaking that. He’s there for us, even when we may not see or hear Him. He protects us, even if He allows certain things to happen to see how well we will depend on Him.
The last few days have felt kind very “blah” or grey for me. I get up, I read my Bible and try to focus and remember what I’m reading about, not reading as many chapters all at once like I used to (read about five a day right now), I also pray about things some and try to talk with Him during this time as well. Lately I’ve noticed that it has gotten harder for me to keep talking to him throughout the day while I’m doing whatever I might be doing (which isn’t much). Usually I’m quite the chatterbox and sometimes would make jokes that I bet He wishes I’d shut up some days, but lately I’ve not been able to focus on much of anything in regards to speaking to Him. My mind is always elsewhere, constantly trying to keep me occupied; staying busy because I don’t have much else to do.
More recently I was talking with Brandon about praying with authority, something I’m not very good at or have a lot of experience with on a normal basis, and I decided to start using Luke 10:19 during parts of my prayers when asking the Lord to remove any negative and demonic spirits away from myself, my family, my house, and off of the property. I knew I had to take faith in this prayer and not do my typical, insecure way of thinking, of doubting that it worked. The last few days have felt a lot better; more peaceful. I told the Lord that I would pray that every day, with that verse, if I had to. The first day I asked Him to remove them for 24 hours and told Him I would pray again the next day.
I’ve been praying about that, and using that particular verse, for several days in a row now and some days twice.
Last night I awoke several times throughout the night which isn’t always normal for me, but I figured it was due to needing to get up and go to the bathroom. One of the times I woke up I was coming back into my bedroom from my bathroom when I suddenly started thinking (or feeling, rather) that there was something in the room. It came about so quickly that I figured it must have been in my head, which is likely, but the feeling that came with it was not something typically from me. That beginning of fear and panic as if something evil is right there, watching you, waiting and wanting to attack you. For some reason, in my head, I pictured it being a thin girl-like being with head slightly bowed with sandy blonde hair in her face. Later I realized that a part of it reminded me of myself from my past, though I can’t say that’s accurate either.
I got in bed and started to wonder if there was something there but quickly told myself it was probably my own imagination (which is pretty easily overactive). I also reminded myself that I had already prayed about it and asked Him to remove anything but I went ahead and prayed about it again anyway. After I prayed it felt better in the room and I went back to sleep.
I had Brandon ask about it today, as he gets more clear answers than I do at times, and it was that there was something in my room. He had mentioned before he asked about it that he wouldn’t be surprised as he had noticed things around his house lately as well.
Either way, I’m thankful for the discernment even if I did mistake it as being my fearful imagination. It still helped me learn that I need to pay attention to the timing of such things and consider all possibilities when trying to understand if it might be something there or myself getting worked up over a random, scary thought.
I was also told that what was in my room seemed to be “closer to the shore.” Brandon saw a map when he asked about these things and the location of what was in my room seemed closer to a shoreline than on the beach. In regards to my last post it seems to me that the thing in my room had more authority than what was usually lurking around trying to cause mischief. We both think that maybe this one was higher up, higher level, more powerful, or however you want to put it. I do not think it was there to try to hurt me but I think that any attack from that type might be more direct than the typical ones.
Of course I never actually see what they look like, it’s always as some sort of figure more perceived in my mind than a clear image of them. Brandon has seen a few, some that look like child sized shadows free-standing away from a wall and that kind of thing. I’ve seen a few things here and there but that was quite a long time ago. Typically I might hear something if they’re really trying to bother me and at one point I’ve smelled something, but that was months and months ago.
It’s a strange journey, but I can’t wait to get out of here. I’m thankful I have the Lord in my life and that He allows me to see what’s really around from time to time and I’m incredibly thankful for His discernment and teachings. I just pray that I don’t get so worn down and in a battle of lack of faith more than I have. It’s time to be prepared, aware, and cling tight to the Lord.