Backdate: The Strange Weekend

This weekend has been strange, in a good way.
Last week Brandon had been praying about the two of us going to visit his uncle Shawn who lives about an hour and a half away. We were planning on heading out there on Monday for a visit when he was told in his inquiring and praying about this that we could try to do it Monday but Tuesday would probably be better.
I took that as something was going to be happening on Monday that we would not be able to go. I will admit I was excited as I didn’t know if maybe it was something we might be able to do to help someone else, fully realizing the other aspect that it could also be something bad. I decided to hope for the first.
Sunday evening comes around as Chris, Brandon, and I are sitting around reading, Brandon’s mother (Lewanna) is also playing one of her computer games. As Brandon went to open one of the windows in the lab (it’s a game room) she started to ask if he was opening the window since she was already cold. Her speech was hard to understand as she wasn’t able to pronounce most of the words she was trying to say. Brandon went over, asking if she was okay and was genuinely concerned, and did a slight test of touch with her to see if she could be having a stroke. She could feel the touches he put on her face but her speech was still slow and barely understandable.
He decided it would be best if she were in her recliner so that if she did end up having a stroke they would have less problems than if she were on her scooter.
After a little while her speech started to improve, as Joe was keeping an eye on her while they watched TV. As the night progressed and our bedtime approached, Joe came in to let us know that she felt she needed to go to the hospital.
I reminded Brandon, after her and Joe left for the hospital, that God had said Monday would not be a good day to try to be gone and it all seemed to come together.
Needless to say that hearing about His plans is one thing.. and as you start to see them for yourself, in your life and throughout, it’s completely different. You can see the mighty power that He has and it can be very scary and real.

Brandon’s mom is home now. She did have a stroke that caused a pool of blood to sit in the brain, which may explain the speech problem coming and going.
Brandon feels that she will probably be in the hospital again soon. Times are changing.
The wind is blowing, set sail.


Backdate: God’s Right Hand


God was with me in my room last night. I had been praying to him and asking him to come be with me (fully aware and also knowing that he is always with me) but I asked him to come to my room. Whether he did so because of me asking or not, I do not know and will not assume one or the other.
I felt a presence in my room that I have felt before, it usually makes me uncomfortable and afraid. Last night, with my eyes closed, I knew it was Him. The instant that I questioned the “what if” scenario towards that I suddenly didn’t know if it was him or could be something else.
The presence was different from anything I’ve felt previously. Normally his comfort is kind of a warm and fuzzy feeling.. you know, comforting. Then there’s the happy-in-the-spirit feeling too, which is more of a happy and excited feeling. Then there’s all the crap the enemy can make you feel.
The presence I had felt (and have in the past on occasion) wasn’t intentionally scary or frightening, it was as if you were expecting someone to be right behind you or next to you when you suddenly open your eyes. That you may be startled, but their intention was not to scare you. It also has a strong, powerful feeling about it. That’s what causes me to feel afraid, is the power.
It reminded me of the Old Testament when someone would see an angel and fall to their faces out of fear. At first I wondered if maybe he had sent an angel to me for protection or something. I was on the phone with Brandon at the time and asked him to ask Him for me.
Brandon said my question I wanted him to ask seemed pretty cut and dry. I had to explain why I wanted him to ask what I said, then realized that maybe that’s why Brandon usually doesn’t ask the questions I bring up because of a lack of understanding in WHY I’m asking a certain way.
Anyway, he asked and said that God told him it was his right hand. That’s what I was feeling. Brandon was a little confused by it but my first thought went to all the times it was mentioned about God stretching out his hand or moving things with his hand.
Not long after that Brandon got off the phone with me and I had an experience I have never had before in my life. I’m not sure I can even put it into words. At first it was as if God was showing me (because of the slight things I perceived) that he could take my spirit up from my body to be with him right then. That I could go right then. I found myself telling him “no, there are other things to do here” which I know he knows better than I do. My first thought was about my dog, who was laying right next to me, and I had a fear of leaving him behind. In a way, I feel that I failed Him and that he was testing me. That my love for even my dog was stronger than a love for Him. I’m not sure if I’m correct in thinking that or not, but I also did recognize after that (almost like coming to my senses about it) that there was a lot of work to be done here first.
The slight visual I had (or perceived) was as if you opened up reality, half was my room, with my dog, and half was of the stars and galaxies.. God was there and his angels, and others, looking down towards me. I didn’t have a clear view of them but they were there. It was beautiful and never what people explain “heaven” to be like. [It’s interesting to me how what we consider beautiful doesn’t even compare to his beauty and the things he has created. His beauty is so much that it’s almost frightening at times because it’s so unknown and amazing.. nothing we could ever imagine or anything we do imagine. We’re all wrong in our own imaginations.]
It was like being able to see two sides. Him on the right, with the stars and hosts, and then my room on the left. I was completely amazed at the beauty of it all and I can’t even explain what it truly looked like.
I had another experience not long after that. I was talking with him and praying for people I would have never thought to pray for (groups of people) and then I found myself feeling tingly almost, all over my body. At one point I found it becoming difficult to breathe and almost got concerned until I realized that even if I stopped breathing I’d be fine; God was with me. I then also realized I could take deeper breaths.
I prayed that whatever God may have to show me he would. That whatever he wished me to do, he would tell me. I felt almost as if my spirit was going to fly out of me and soar on a journey. I wondered if that’s what it was like when Peter went into a trance.
I’m incredibly thankful that he showed me that. I know it’s not fully what he wants to show me but it’s a start of it. I pray I will stay patient and will hear from him more and more, as the frost recedes.
I long to be able to hear from him more and more clearly than ever before (was not intending to rhyme with that).
Another note: When I was asking Brandon to inquire for me about what presence I was feeling, I did end up praying that if it was him I would accept it and not be afraid. That I would recognize it as him and not mistake it for the enemy.
That’s a presence I’m going to have to get used to. It can be a little startling and scary, but he’s so much more worth anything I could put into words. I wish that I could experience it again and again.

(Friday, June 6, 2014)

When we are expressing ourselves through the means of only one person or group, we need to ask ourselves if it is truly our expression we are using or are we just extending the view others have already made?
“Salt is good; but if the salt has lost its flavor, how shall it be seasoned? It is neither fit for the land nor for the dunghill, but men throw it out. He who has ears to hear, let him hear!” Luke 14:34-35

Strange Dream

(Backdate: 6/19/14 7:25 PM)

I had a very strange dream yesterday when I took a nap. I awoke and felt compelled to write most of it down before I forgot it. This is probably most of it though I couldn’t go into the entire amount of detail of this dream or I’d still be writing about it today.

I was walking through a parking lot and on the phone with Brandon asking him where he was headed or where he was at. I was becoming annoyed that he hadn’t been answering this question in a straightforward way, though I could hear the background noise around him through the phone; I assumed he was going to Wal-Mart or a restaurant. I was carrying a Crispin cider with me that I had been drinking, though it didn’t seem to be having any sort of effect on me as far as alcohol was concerned.

Suddenly I was in a local bar, sitting in a booth along what would be the front side of the building, while I was on the phone with him, Crispin in front of me on my right. This bar, which in the dream reminded me of a bar from my home town (which I’ve never been to a bar from there) was one set up like any local little hole-in-the-wall type of bars with tons of things hanging on the walls for decor (think of a Bennigan’s), greyish-green/olive drab paint on the walls, and everything looked fairly old and worn out. Behind me were more booths as well as two in front of me. I may have been sitting next to a large window. The bar was to my left and oddly close; it seemed that all the tables and seating areas were squished closer together as it wasn’t a very big building. To the right of the actual bar was an area that was open where people were playing pool. They were mostly out of sight from my viewpoint as there were a few pillars here and there in the way. Continue reading

Interesting Thought

(Backdate: 6/19/14 9:33 AM)

An interesting question came to thought yesterday concerning more visible or emotional discernment, in regards to the spiritual realm.
Could it be that there is constant spiritual activity all around us at all times where certain points (situations our entities) are revealed to us or that there are areas where there is no spiritual activity (as in “blank spots”) and we are allowed to pick up on things as they appear?
I believe discernment is through the Holy Spirit as a part of God’s revealing so the questions don’t really matter in that regard, just found it interesting to think about.

Finding where God wants you to be

(Backdate: 6/17/14 10:38 PM)

Over the last several days I’ve felt almost a separation with communicating with the Lord. I really enjoy being able to talk with Him on a regular basis but lately it’s felt distant. I know that He hears my prayers and thoughts, and knows what’s on my mind and heart, but there hasn’t been much communication as far as seeking answers I had desperately wanted answered. Those mostly being, where am I supposed to be? What am I supposed to be doing? How can I serve You in my life?

In my slight desperation I started looking at one ministry or another, teachings and writings from others about what they’re working on and what it is they feel is important, what God is working with in their lives.

I think somewhere in my mind I was hoping to find my answers. That upon looking up different things here and there that God would suddenly say, “That one! That’s what I want you to do/get involved in!” Boy was I wrong.

The only things I have found, through further investigation (because that’s what I do) of some of the teachings out there is that most of them are false or focused on the wrong things. Some might not be false in some cases but their focus is solely on one aspect and they disregard what else the Bible teaches us.

There are others that are so far off that I instantly thought of what the Bible says on false prophets.

Through all of this confusion, that has been clouding my mind and making me feel uneasy and unable to rest, I continued to read my Bible and continued to pray. I begged and pleaded to hear some kind of answer about all of what was going on. I got that answer in the form of a question today; God asked me, “Why are you looking to follow men?”

That alone opened my eyes. It’s amazing to see how easily distracted we can become and how frustrating and exasperating it can be to search where we think we need to be all on our own.

Why was I searching to learn from men? Why was I searching for such a group or ministry to teach me, to learn from, when I have God and His Word? That’s not to say that being involved in them is a bad thing, but if God isn’t speaking to you about something specifically in that regard, maybe you’re not actually ready for it yet.

There are a lot of things going on in the world that can easily cause you to feel that it’s time to panic. That you have to be where you ought to be right now in order to do God’s work. That you’re running out of time. That you need to do what they say and become what they’re teaching to be on the right path.

The question you have to ask yourself is if God is telling you to hurry or if it’s your own fearful, human nature coming into place.

Ultimately it’s up to US to make sure we’re on track with God. Not our brothers and sisters, not our parents, not pastors, teachers, preachers, prophets, ministers, friends, and loved ones. It’s our choice to follow the Lord, to seek what He has in store for us, and to learn from Him and His Word. It’s through that relationship, reading the Bible and really talking to God, that we will learn where it is we need to be.

Who’s to say I’m not where I’m supposed to be right now?

I thank God for the clarity that I had today on this matter and the reminder that I need to seek Him and not try to look for it on my own. I now know why I didn’t feel I was hearing the Lord when I tried to talk with Him the last few days, which is that I was losing sight on what He has already told me (and while being distracted it can be difficult to listen). He’s told me to wait and be open to Him, to listen and He will show me where it is that He wants me to be, and that is what I intend to do (or try my hardest to not get sucked into anything else).

How can I expect to find where He wants me to be if I’m not including Him in on the search?

Do you know how to search for where God wants you to be? The answers are a lot more simple than you might think, though most go-getter’s and control freaks wont like it (I should know).

To find where you need to be, you need to truly search for the Lord in your personal life. Not where a church says you need to be, through doctrines and teachings telling you how to live, or any other form written by men that can’t be held credible. We have all we need, as far as doctrine, in the Word of God. The Bible isn’t continually growing from more people claiming to “know the true way,” adding their own words on how we should live; God already provided us with a complete book letting us know how things should be.

Search for Him yourself. Talk to Him about it. Ask where He wants you to be and what He wants you to do. It’s not up to anyone else to say otherwise. And always remember to listen. There are many different factors that can cause you to not hear what He’s telling you. Make sure you get those out of the way, even if it means He has to humble you again, so you can really hear Him.

Tom Deckard – the (false) Jewish Prophet

(Backdate: 6/17/14 10:38 PM)

Yesterday I came across a video online of a “Jewish [self proclaimed] Prophet” that seemed very passionate about what he claims God is telling him. At first some of the things he was saying seemed to make sense, as most false prophets will do, and upon further investigation I learned a lot of truths about this man are incredibly false.

 His name is Tom Deckard.

He has his own website, which is slightly painful to even look at, where he goes on about his prophesies that have already come true, how credible he is (not sure by whom), and even has a gif image of a smokey mist floating around his head in pictures claiming that it’s “the Holy Ghost” working with him. His website states,

“These pictures have been examined by experts proving their authenticity [no experts cited]. When the cloud appears, all manner of healings, miracles, salvation and deliverance comes to those who come in contact with the cloud. The cloud has demonstrated the glory of G-d to such an extent that many of other religions fall on their faces and receive Jesus as their L-rd and Savior.”

Honestly, it’s a pretty puny looking cloud. I don’t know about you, but I’m pretty sure that if such things were happening in the statement above, it wouldn’t have been a situation of chance that they got a picture of what looks like someone smoking a cigar.

Needless to say I saw no evidence of testimonies from anyone other than himself that what he was saying was the truth. No scriptural back up. No testimonies. Just falsehood and bologna.

He is a self proclaimed prophet claiming to have prophesied over such things as the current going-ons with the US and Russia to the swine flu epidemic. There have been no posts or witnesses to his “prophesies” and I haven’t seen any testimonies (other than his over inflated opinion of himself) that further prove what he has said.

Do people really not understand how easy it is to back date anything written on a computer? Or anything written in general for that matter. Do they not understand how easy it is to manipulate documents or writings?

I don’t claim to be an expert in the field of falsehood, but even I can edit most anything on my computer if I really want to.

Back to the false prophet, I entered his name in a Google search and instantly found several websites up that speak against him. Here are just some of the ones I found:

A False Prophet – Tom Deckard

DECKARD’S DEMONICS – A Profile Of “Prophet” Tom Deckard

Who Is Tom Deckard?

Beware of the False Prophet Tom Deckard

The Truth About Tom Deckard

Now, I must admit, I am very impressed with the way the (The Truth About Tom Deckard) created a page titled Tom says – God says to put some of the things he has claimed in his writings, website, and even audio CDs, putting them side by side with scripture (when what was spewing out of his mouth was even able to be compared to what Scripture says). I found most of what they quoted him saying, which I’ve heard some of it for myself, almost amusing. For example:


In his CD Series “Man & His Family” Mr. Deckard states, “If your wife will not submit to you… get rid of her!  There are plenty out there who will.”


Matthew 19:16  “So they are no longer two, but one flesh. Therefore what God has joined together, let no one separate.”


A False Prophet – Tom Deckard – has some interesting news articles on the matter of him claiming to be an Orthodox Jew, having prophesied for over 40 years in this ministry. Honestly, it’s the first I’ve ever heard of him and as far as the articles have said, he was a pastor at a church until it was learned that he had been sleeping around with several wives in the congregation (which one then left her husband to marry him. I guess they’re still together).

Although I find it heartbreaking that others out there are naive enough to believe such a man, we were warned about this. The most I can do is pray for those out there getting sucked into such things and hope that they listen to God and open their eyes.

I’ll end this post here. I’m running out of fuel and I don’t feel that this needs to waste any more of my time.

Just be careful who you listen to and remember to question and test everything.


Beware of false prophets, which come to you in sheep’s clothing, but inwardly they are ravening wolves. Ye shall know them by their fruits. Do men gather grapes of thorns, or figs of thistles? Even so every good tree bringeth forth good fruit; but a corrupt tree bringeth forth evil fruit. A good tree cannot bring forth evil fruit, neither can a corrupt tree bring forth good fruit. Every tree that bringeth not forth good fruit is hewn down, and cast into the fire. Wherefore by their fruits ye shall know them.

Matthew 7:15-20

Can being tired alter your faith?

(Backdate: 6/15/14 1:36 AM)

No, being tired can alter your emotional state. If you have faith in the Lord, He will always be with you (Joshua 1:9Zephaniah 3:17). That’s not to say that your emotions can’t make you feel at a loss in your faith, that you’re weak or not worthy. Those can be natural feelings and during those times we need to really seek God and pray.

Often times I have felt weak in my faith and we all need to remember that the devil will use that against us to try to make us give up. To isolate us and bring us down. The trick is to pray about it and ask the Lord for peace and strength. Let Him know what you’re going through and how you’re feeling. Ask for comfort in knowing He takes us for who we are and loves us.

Always remember He has a plan for you and is on our side as long as we are truly seeking Him.


On another note, there are many different emotions and feelings that we go through, in our natural human life, that can cause us to think we’re not strong enough in our faith. I deal with feelings of fear on a regular basis, which can be exasperating, and I have learned that during these times I need to really pray and ask for what I truly need. I have learned to ask why I am feeling a certain way, if they are my own emotions or if something from the spiritual realm is causing it. But whether it is your own emotions or some sort of spiritual warfare, it doesn’t matter; We need to seek God and pray.

There are many times at night that I become overwhelmed with a sense of dread or fear and I have to constantly ask God to give me peace so I can rest. As silly as it might sound, I invite Him to be in my room with me and ask Him to take away my fears and the negative feelings. I even ask that He might over flow me in the Spirit and overcome what I am going through and to give me comfort in knowing He is with me.

God doesn’t want us to be afraid, anxious, sad, or depressed. He wants us to have joy and live a life that is full of Christ, so others might see His glory.

Finding a church

(Backdate: 6/13/14)

I’ve had some confusion concerning the “happy-in-the-spirit” feelings that tend to go along with the church I was attending, following LSM. The confusion came in based on seeing how everyone seemed to be in the Spirit at all times, or at least at church. That isn’t to say that they were not but I started to wonder if it was more the positive energy aspect I was picking up from the people themselves. Especially since I felt that God was trying to tell me something based on the discernment I received while around this ministry. I’ve been asking the Lord about this and today I got my answer.


Though some places while have one feeling or another we shouldn’t base where we think God might be working on our feelings. Feelings can be deceiving, in general we are usually aware of this, so why do we assume He is or is not working in a certain place based on what we feel?


In reality it is not having a constant awareness of the presence of God through feelings that our faith is based. When we feel a lack of presence in our personal lives we typically pray and learn to have faith that the Lord is with us always (Joshua 1:9, Zephaniah 3:17).


We also need to look for signs that the church we may be trying out is bearing good fruit (Matthew 7:17, Psalm 27:14), which can take time to really see. The other side is that we need to be open to new opportunities and consider that, just because we don’t get a happy-feel-good feeling from a church or group, God might want us there for a reason that we’re unable to see in the moment.


So when we visit with other believers or go to other churches we should therefore seek God’s counsel on if He is working there, and if He wants us there. Ask if that is where we end to be, and really, who are we to say we know where God is or isn’t working?


With all that being said, (and I still disagree with the teachings of Witness Lee) if we base everything off of feelings we may never truly know if what we’re picking up on is from the Lord or from other people. I, for one, can be sensitive to the feelings of others, and need to keep in mind that just because something feels good (or feels right) it might not always be. That is the importance of truly seeking the Lord and being open in your communication with Him. Don’t let your feelings get in the way of where you might need to be and listen for the Lord. And in that, I have even had to ask Him to let me know more specifically, to give me a confirmation, so I will not wonder if it was my own thoughts or feelings or the enemy trying to keep me from whatever His will is in my life (Psalm 85:8).

Annoying Habits

(Backdate: 6/12/14 6:49 PM)

I feel I have fallen into a habit of having to explain what I mean when I say things relating to my faith. I was just reading an older post where I stated, “Lately I’ve been asking more and more what God would want from me in my life, other than an intimate relationship with Him.”


I know where I developed such a habit of explaining what I mean when I speak of my faith (or having to point out what should be obvious to most believers) and on some levels it annoys me.

When looking at what I quoted, why do we have to justify what we are saying and give an explanation of that which we already understand as Christians? Why would I have to explain, that in wondering what God wants in my life, it’s obvious that He wants a relationship with me as a large part?


I guess in my mind, wondering what else God wants me to do with my life also means that I understand He wants an intimate relationship with me. That without having that relationship, you wont find what path it is He might want you to take (as far as ministries, churches, working in the community, etc).


I think that’s one of the habits I got into when going to the Church in Dallas. Anytime you made any little comment that was similar everyone would start trying to correct you or push knowledge onto you that you already knew. I found this very annoying as I have grown up in a Christian home and have been around the church life for years. I was treated as if I was constantly new to the concepts of Christ, what He had done for me, and that God loves me. This might also have to do with the fact that I was raised in Baptist churches, which being Protestant, I am viewed as one that has it all wrong as far as what the gospel teaches.


I understand that some people don’t know or fully understand the aspect that God wants a relationship with us and that some people aren’t aware of the diversities of God’s love, but I also wouldn’t be so incredibly pushy with my own knowledge of this in a way that only makes one feel as if they’re being chastised for their statement and then corrected.


I guess I would find that when talking about what God would want from us in our lives, I do not think someone has to be “corrected” as they are expressing themselves as someone who is seeking the Lord.