A Still Small Voice

And he said, Go forth, and stand upon the mount before the LORD. And, behold, the LORD passed by, and a great and strong wind rent the mountains, and brake in pieces the rocks before the LORD; but the LORD was not in the wind: and after the wind an earthquake; but the LORD was not in the earthquake:
And after the earthquake a fire; but the LORD was not in the fire: and after the fire a still small voice.
1 Kings 19:11-12


RFID chips now installed in Dallas

Yesterday, Brandon and I had eaten lunch at a local pizza shop. Upon leaving Brandon looked down at their newspaper racks and pointed out the Dallas Observer which featured this photo on the cover: (Note: I don’t usually read the Observer or newspapers in general. The Observer is also full of sex ads, a warning for those of you who might be interested in reading the article. I suggest looking online to avoid these ads.)


The actual printed cover states: “The Implanted” “Go inside DFW’s high tech labs and tattoo parlors where the relationship between man and machine is being reinvented.”

It’s clear to me that these microchips in the hand (RFID chips) are quite possibly the early stages of the mark of the beast (Revelation 13:16-17; 14:9-11; 19:20; 20:4). When reading Revelation we are, in a human way of thinking, reading it as things that will happen suddenly. Most might think that it will be “all of the sudden” there is a choice to be made. They misunderstand the gradual process and conditioning society is being led into by the devil.
Satan is boastful and proud, that’s for sure, but when it comes to his own plans he’s going to attempt to bring things about under the radar and unnoticed by the masses. He is attempting to condition the minds of all the people into thinking that whatever he suggests is “not that big of a deal.”
They have already started implementing microchips into credit and debit cards. They have new readers that when you have one of these cards you have to insert the card a certain way instead of sliding it. How long before all cards are this way? And after they find a way to show how easily those systems could be “hacked” and suddenly need a “better and more secure” way of payment, how long before suggesting these implants?
I’ve read many articles of people that already have these implants to use for payments, among other things, and I don’t find it that surprising. Satan’s way of working is a slow trickle. To suggest things slowly so that it seems we’re just advancing in technology and as a race to make his plans seem normal.

One of the issues I believe a lot of believers will fall into when it comes to the mark of the beast is their Bible version. We all know there are many versions of the Bible out there and there is a lot of controversy about just that.
Let’s take a quick look at some of the verses I referenced above in different versions:

Revelation 13:16-17 KJV
(16) And he causeth all, both small and great, rich and poor, free and bond, to receive a mark in their right hand, or in their foreheads:
(17) And that no man might buy or sell, save he that had the mark, or the name of the beast, or the number of his name.
(Brandon’s note: There are three different versions of this mark. “…he that had the mark, OR the name of the beast, OR the number of his name.”)

Revelation 13:16-17 NIV
(16) It also forced all people, great and small, rich and poor, free and slave, to receive a mark on their right hands or on their foreheads,
(17) so that they could not buy or sell unless they had the mark, which is the name of the beast or the number of its name.

Revelation 13:16-17 ESV
(16) Also it causes all, both small and great, both rich and poor, both free and slave, to be marked on the right hand or the forehead, (17) so that no one can buy or sell unless he has the mark, that is, the name of the beast or the number of its name.
(Side Note: ESV’s “to be marked” can imply a forcible implication rather than “to receive” which implies free will in the decision for receiving such a mark)

Revelation 14:9 KJV
And the third angel followed them, saying with a loud voice, If any man worship the beast and his image, and receive his mark in his forehead, or in his hand,

Revelation 14:9 NIV
A third angel followed them and said in a loud voice: “If anyone worships the beast and its image and receives its mark on their forehead or on their hand,

Revelation 14:9 ESV
And another angel, a third, followed them, saying with a loud voice, “If anyone worships the beast and its image and receives a mark on his forehead or on his hand,
Revelation 20:4 KJV
And I saw thrones, and they sat upon them, and judgment was given unto them: and I saw the souls of them that were beheaded for the witness of Jesus, and for the word of God, and which had not worshipped the beast, neither his image, neither had received his mark upon their foreheads, or in their hands; and they lived and reigned with Christ a thousand years.

Revelation 20:4 NIV
I saw thrones on which were seated those who had been given authority to judge. And I saw the souls of those who had been beheaded because of their testimony about Jesus and because of the word of God. They had not worshiped the beast or its image and had not received its mark on their foreheads or their hands. They came to life and reigned with Christ a thousand years.

Revelation 20:4 ESV
Then I saw thrones, and seated on them were those to whom the authority to judge was committed. Also I saw the souls of those who had been beheaded for the testimony of Jesus and for the word of God, and those who had not worshiped the beast or its image and had not received its mark on their foreheads or their hands. They came to life and reigned with Christ for a thousand years.

If you read a more “Modern” version of a Bible you will notice that the verses in Revelation from the King James Version (KJV) say the mark will be “in” their hands or forehead, not “on” as the New International Version and English Standard Version say.

What’s the difference?
When going through to rewrite the King James Bible (yes, that’s what they were trying to do), to give a more “modern” and “understandable” version they write for what makes sense during their technological time which corrupts the written prophesy God has given us of what will come to pass.
Would it make sense to anyone back in the 1600’s to have a mark IN your hand or IN your forehead? Not really, but it was left in the proper translation despite a possible lack of understanding.
So why did they feel a need to change this in the “modern versions” in the 1970’s (NIV) and in the 1990’s (ESV, which is actually a revised version of the 1971 Revised Standard Version)?
Why did they feel a need to change “in” to “on” even while technology was advancing much faster by the twentieth century?

I have seen some that claim that the hebrew word for “on” is interchangable to “in” and therefore the change was made to what made more sense at the time. Of course the GREEK words, which are what the New Testiment is written in, for “on” (επί) and “in” (ἐν) are different so that argument is void. Look up the lexicons if you like, ‘on’ is G1909, ‘in’ is G1722.

The actual truth is although some may not have understood the terms for the word “on” in the KJV, they are actually writing the modern “bibles” from completely different manuscripts. These manuscripts, which have been proven to be false by many researchers, are said to be older and “more accurate” versions of the Word of God. Usually they are found by someone who claims to “recover” them who, in the end, is seeking fame and fortune. And that is exactly what they get. Is that how God works?
Is that how His Words were written?
I didn’t know Moses was seeking fame and fortune and “happened upon” discovering God’s already written words.
I didn’t know the disciples were seeking their own selfish desires while many died trying to spread the Word of God.

It’s not how God works. That’s how cults are formed.

(Note: most stores and people do not tell you they use different manuscripts that they claim are “older” and therefore more “accurate” when rewriting Bible translations. I suggest those who haven’t look into this and see all that has been changed and removed. This is a decent source for such examples: http://www.jesus-is-savior.com/Bible/esv.htm)

Well, so what? So what if modern “bibles” are changed a few things. So what if the word “in” has been changed to “on”?

The problem is that the Lord, our God, has written down HIS words to help us. To lead and guide us. To tell us beforehand what is to happen. Changing His words changes what to believe. It will lead people to believe He is wrong, which is not possible. It will lead those to misunderstand what is really going on in the world and what to watch out for.

Do you trust the Word of God? Do you trust they are HIS words? Then why are you reading a version that has changed what He has already said?

Revelation 22:18-19 KJV
(18)  For I testify unto every man that heareth the words of the prophecy of this book, If any man shall add unto these things, God shall add unto him the plagues that are written in this book:  (19)  And if any man shall take away from the words of the book of this prophecy, God shall take away his part out of the book of life, and out of the holy city, and from the things which are written in this book.

Why does the Bible need to be changed? Because someone has told you it’s too difficult to read? The KJV is easier to understand than most modern bibles, I can testify to that. I’ve had the Lord speak to me through the KJV more than any other “version” I’ve ever tried to read. It completely changed the relationship I have with Christ. It’s the Word of God; it’s infallible, self-referencing, and prophetic, not watered down and confusing. It doesn’t leave others to wonder what God really thinks and feels, especially in the circumstances we are in today with society.

Mark 13:35-37 KJV
(35) Watch ye therefore: for ye know not when the master of the house cometh, at even, or at midnight, or at the cockcrowing, or in the morning:  (36)  Lest coming suddenly he find you sleeping. 
(37)  And what I say unto you I say unto all, Watch.

What I tell you in darkness, that speak ye in light

What I tell you in darkness, that speak ye in light: and what ye hear in the ear, that preach ye upon the housetops.
Matthew 10:27 KJV

I used to read this verse and it always made me think of the Bible. It made me think of spreading the Word of God and witnessing to others, possibly in the streets or wherever they might listen.
It wasn’t until tonight when I heard someone read it aloud that I realized that goes for what the Lord tells us personally as well. His Word is true. What He speaks never goes against His own Word.
I probably haven’t been doing enough speaking lately.

I keep rereading this verse and wondering about the spiritual significance of “What I tell you in darkness, speak ye in light”
What are your thoughts?

What I tell you in darkness, that speak ye in light: and what ye hear in the ear, that preach ye upon the housetops.
Matthew 10:27 KJV

And More Rabbits

There’s been a lot going on lately in my life and around all of us here. Brandon and I have kind of made a friend (the homeless man mentioned in a previous post) that we try to help out and encourage in the Lord as we can. I will admit it seems to be something Brandon is led in more than myself, which is fine as I do not see it being appropreiate for me to offer any assistance unless Brandon is present (unless, of course, the Lord leads me to).

The rabbits all seem to be doing well. We need to prepare their area and winterize their hutches for the cold. It dropped down to 32 degrees here last night and has been in the mid 50’s during the day. They can withstand cold more easily than the Texas heat but that doesn’t mean we don’t need to be prepared since the weather is pretty unpredictable MOST of the time.
Shirley’s babies (she’s my rabbit) are growing well. As soon as they hit their 5 week age they’ll be sold off as pets. One will go to a friend of Brandon’s cousin who wanted a black and white rabbit. We just so happen to have one we have dubbed “Ninja” because of how it darts around and tries to climb all over you. Most all of the babies (kits) have names now and they’re pretty adorable as their fur is growing out. We’ll probably be breeding Shirley again soon. I’m really thankful her and Lucy have been such good momma’s in taking care of their babies.

I have some photos I got of them that I’ll post below:


This is Ninja. I hope he/she (we don’t know the sexes of the babies yet) will have a good home.


This is “Piggy.” Named because it has been the largest of the five, always with a full belly and ready to eat. This one probably has the best markings of all of them with the dutch markings (from the momma) and the brown instead of black (from the dad).


This is Squirrel. This one always looks like it has a pudgy face and always seems like it’s ready for another nap.


This is Pepe. I named it that because it always had its ears up and out and had a “peppy” personality. It’s the smallest of the litter and I will miss it after it’s gone. Pepe is also the only one that would fit in that glass for the photo! haha

There’s another white one that’s larger than Pepe. I’ll post the rest of the photos below.DSC_0432-1600.JPG







I like the pocket photos a lot but I’ve saved my very favorite for the end of this post.



God’s creatures are so amazing.

Blessings and Curses

I was reading this morning (I’m in Deuteronomy) and after reading about the blessings and curses Moses commanded the Israelites to speak (they haven’t spoken them yet, chapter 27) I came to Deuteronomy 28 where Moses is speaking about the blessings for those who follow the voice and commandments of the Lord. Note: Commandments stated, not the law.

Deuteronomy 28:1-14 KJV
(1)  And it shall come to pass, if thou shalt hearken diligently unto the voice of the LORD thy God, to observe and to do all his commandments which I command thee this day, that the LORD thy God will set thee on high above all nations of the earth:  (2)  And all these blessings shall come on thee, and overtake thee, if thou shalt hearken unto the voice of the LORD thy God.  (3)  Blessed shalt thou be in the city, and blessed shalt thou be in the field.  (4)  Blessed shall be the fruit of thy body, and the fruit of thy ground, and the fruit of thy cattle, the increase of thy kine, and the flocks of thy sheep.  (5)  Blessed shall be thy basket and thy store.  (6)  Blessed shalt thou be when thou comest in, and blessed shalt thou be when thou goest out.  (7)  The LORD shall cause thine enemies that rise up against thee to be smitten before thy face: they shall come out against thee one way, and flee before thee seven ways.  (8)  The LORD shall command the blessing upon thee in thy storehouses, and in all that thou settest thine hand unto; and he shall bless thee in the land which the LORD thy God giveth thee.  (9)  The LORD shall establish thee an holy people unto himself, as he hath sworn unto thee, if thou shalt keep the commandments of the LORD thy God, and walk in his ways.  (10)  And all people of the earth shall see that thou art called by the name of the LORD; and they shall be afraid of thee.  (11)  And the LORD shall make thee plenteous in goods, in the fruit of thy body, and in the fruit of thy cattle, and in the fruit of thy ground, in the land which the LORD sware unto thy fathers to give thee.  (12)  The LORD shall open unto thee his good treasure, the heaven to give the rain unto thy land in his season, and to bless all the work of thine hand: and thou shalt lend unto many nations, and thou shalt not borrow.  (13)  And the LORD shall make thee the head, and not the tail; and thou shalt be above only, and thou shalt not be beneath; if that thou hearken unto the commandments of the LORD thy God, which I command thee this day, to observe and to do them:  (14)  And thou shalt not go aside from any of the words which I command thee this day, to the right hand, or to the left, to go after other gods to serve them.

After going through the blessings the Lord will bestow upon those who follow Him and harken to His voice I got to the curses of those who turn away and refuse to follow Him. I’ll admit I found it a bit overwhelming and it reminded me of times in my life when I had turned away from Him and, well, let’s just say things didn’t go very well in my life.
When you give yourself to the Lord and then try to take back your life and plan the way YOU want to see fit it doesn’t work. He’s the one that knows what’s best for us. To try and take something out of His hands, usually because of worldly lusts and selfishness, is completely unrighteous. God cannot be near unrighteousness and if that’s how we’re choosing to live then it’s safe to say He cannot be near to us. He can protect us from the wiles of the devil to an extent but it is our unrighteousness and sin that keeps Him away and causes a great distance between us.

I thought of several people that have lives that are not going well AT ALL as I read through Deuteronomy, not just myself in times past. You can literally see how much they need the Lord and my prayers go out to them.
I know the Lord loves all of His children and I know He loves us so much He died for us on a cross. He became a curse for us (Galations 3:13, Deuteronomy 21:23). I know the Lord wishes ALL would turn to Him and I know that not all will. People need prayers and encouragement in the Lord and He can use us to help.

Listen to Him and He will guide you.

Deuteronomy 4:29-31 KJV
But if from thence thou shalt seek the LORD thy God, thou shalt find him, if thou seek him with all thy heart and with all thy soul.  (30)  When thou art in tribulation, and all these things are come upon thee, even in the latter days, if thou turn to the LORD thy God, and shalt be obedient unto his voice;  (31)  (For the LORD thy God is a merciful God;) he will not forsake thee, neither destroy thee, nor forget the covenant of thy fathers which he sware unto them.

Jeremiah 29:11-13 KJV
For I know the thoughts that I think toward you, saith the LORD, thoughts of peace, and not of evil, to give you an expected end.  (12)  Then shall ye call upon me, and ye shall go and pray unto me, and I will hearken unto you.  (13)  And ye shall seek me, and find me, when ye shall search for me with all your heart.

Today was an alright day.

I started reading in Numbers today which can be difficult to get through at times. Upon looking at the scriptures, even the ones most consider boring, I found myself wondering what the spiritual significance is to books like Numbers (or some in Kings and Chronicles. You know, the lists). I haven’t had any answers on the significance of Numbers. I know for some cultures are REALLY big into genealogies and such and would not believe the Bible if it weren’t for some of those things. I know there’s much more to it than that. Anyone have any ideas?

My day went with reading a little and then getting to work on packing up my parents kitchen. I was thankful that Brandon came over as I quickly realized how slow the process can be for just one person. I did get quite a bit accomplished and we got most everything done. Demolition for their remodel starts on Monday so the fridge, washer, dryer, and various other things will not be moved until Sunday afternoon or evening.

I am tired.

On and off throughout the day I felt that same feeling I start to feel when the presence of spirits is near. It didn’t start until this afternoon and I’m not sure where it was coming from. It came and went, as usual at my house, and other than praying against it I kind of ignored it. Unless I am instructed to get rid of whatever it is (and whatever it is revealed to me for such purposes) I just have to pray against whatever it COULD be and not focus on it all the time.

Brandon left this evening and not long afterwards he called me which usually means he forgot something. This time, however, he told me that he came across a man and offered him a ride since it’s pouring rain here. He was calling to ask for me to prepare some provisions for this man. I guess they weren’t going to take him up on his offer but he could at least give them some things to help with whatever he may need. I quickly got together some plastic bags and began to fill them. Thankfully Brandon had brought over some tarps to let my dad borrow. I had thought he had brought too many at first but it turned out to be the perfect amount (thank you, Lord) as we could give one to this man in need. I grabbed that and quickly began to fill the bags with water, packages of crackers, miscellaneous pre-wrapped snacks and bars, some sodas, and of course a Bible. Actually, I packed a Gideon Bible as well as a full KJV. We usually have both to give away as needed.
Brandon came back to the house to pick up the bags of items I had packed and made a comment that the guy was soaked. I told him to grab some more plastic bags and but several towels in them that the man could use and keep as well as a pair of socks (that I hope will fit him). I know I hate having to wear wet socks in the rain. I was also trying to think of some sort of hat or cap I might have when Brandon suggested the same thing. I went into my closet and the only ones I could find were some old Starbucks caps I still had, which would be better than nothing. I’m not sure why I hadn’t gotten rid of them as I hate Starbucks, but now I’m thankful I had them.
After Brandon left I was instantly led to pray for this man.

My day was pretty tiring and kind of so-so until the opportunity to help someone in need. That honestly was the best part of my day. A lot has been put in perspective for the entire day as well, or at least I was reminded of how much I truly enjoy helping others in need in whatever way I can.

I will probably never meet this man and know nothing about him, but even the opportunity to offer something such as dry towels, water, food, and of course the Word of God is so special to me. I hope and pray this man does or will get to know the Lord and will be blessed by Him.

God truly is the only one to bring true joy into ones life. For me, that joy often comes from being able to give freely to others.

Today was a blessed day.

And then We had Rabbits

Well things seem to be picking up over here or at least we’re getting busier.
We’re officially rabbit people now. Brandon was led to start buying rabbit hutches here and there, one of which included a rabbit family of four. We gave away the parents and sold one of the babies (I named the kits, which is the term for the babies, “Lavern” and “Shirley). We kept Shirley kind of as “my” pet.
We drove down to A&M to buy 11 pedigreed rabbits from their specialty breeding program, 2 of the rabbits we picked up for some other people from the rabbit community (yes, it exists. Mostly online). On the way back we got into a car wreck and thankfully everyone, including the rabbits, were fine. I guess this all happened about a month ago now.
This last weekend the rain came in pretty hard. Had to get the rabbits covered under tarps all the while the backyard flooded. After walking around barefoot with jeans rolled up we finally wised up and bought some rain boots. I’m thankful for that since the temperature also dropped and I wasn’t sure if I was going to be able to walk around in the freezing water while trying to feed everyone.
So we have rabbits. Or maybe I should say Brandon has rabbits since they live at his place. We’ve named most of them. We have Bessemer (“Bess”), Cletus/Cleaveland (still debating), Stardust (“Star”), Larry Houdini, Momma, Lucy, Bubba (“Clayton Jr.”), Shirley, and Dot.
Larry’s name came from an adventure of his escape a few days after we brought them back. I was calling him “Little Lost Larry” and after praying about it he was spotted outside of the neighbor’s house in their side yard. His name later changed to Larry Houdini with inspiration from comments coming from Brandon’s dad (as well as the irony that he escaped).
Dot is a rabbit that Brandon got in a trade for one of the A&M rabbits he brought back for someone. She’s generally the sweetest rabbit he has and is very socialized, especially compared to the others. She’s been in quarantine and wound up getting ear mites. Ever since then she’s been pretty cranky and doesn’t seem very fond of me. She generally growls at me and tries to knock food out of my hand when I’m feeding her when I go over there. Hopefully that will improve over time.
They’re all different in personality for the most part. Lucy loves to eat and sits at her dish chewing with her eyes closed like she’s in Heaven.
Larry still acts like he’s constantly trying to find another way out.
Momma was probably one of the most nervous at first but she’s finally starting to calm down. She doesn’t always rake your hands when you try to give her things anymore. For a while she squealed like a guinea pig anytime someone came near her or touched her.
Bubba has a lot of personality. We bred him with Shirley and at first she came after him but he quickly put a stop to that. He thumped his foot at her quite a few times to show he wasn’t going to put up with that. (We still don’t know yet if Shirley was bred yet but we’ll find out soon enough.)
The others are all starting to come around as well. I’m thankful for them even though I’m not able to be around them except when I drive to Brandon’s (which is half an hour away).

I know the Lord is leading us on this rabbit-adventure. Things have been kind of all over the place both physically and spiritually. I think things are picking up speed though I don’t quite know the direction. Brandon and I have both been struggling spiritually and any and all prayers are appreciated.

I’ve also been crocheting like crazy, though I’ve been forced to slow down some physically. I can’t crochet constantly, even when I try. I’ve had some doll requests and I’m finally getting to the last two. Just have to figure out outfits for them. (By the way, I’m moving my crochet posts to the blog Unigurumi.) After these two are done I’ll probably start gift ideas for family. I’ll try to post my crochet updates on the site listed above.

Brandon finally got the cage material in to make cages this last week and if I’m able I’ll help him with that. My parents are getting their kitchen remodeled starting Monday so I’m going to be busy trying to help pack everything up and move it before then.

I think for now I’ll leave this post and update more later.

Crochet Doll: Army Guy

I had been thinking about trying to make a doll with a flat top for some reason, unknown to me at the time. When I finally started working on it I was getting the impression I was going to be making an army doll. First the imagery started with the combat boots, camouflage shorts (which I made as pants instead) and a gray t-shirt. I later added the jacket and a backpack (which holds the “Emergency Med Kit” containing spare yarn just in case).
Took me a while to finish the hair, mostly because the Lord was leading me on how to do it and I kind of avoided it for a little while. I finally sat down and started embroidering the sides to give it more of a hair-standing-up-flat-top kind of feel. Should have listened and obeyed the Lord on it in the first place!
This doll will be going to a veteran that stays at the nursing home. I do not know his name and barely remember what he looks like other than seeing him in a wheelchair and always wearing a veteran cap (unless he’s eating, in which case it’s sitting on the table next to him). We haven’t seen him around as much lately so I hope that me being disobedient about parts of the doll didn’t cause us the opportunity to give it to him. I’m sure it will work out and I’m just waiting on timing. I hope he likes it and doesn’t find it too odd that some random person made a doll for him just because God told her to!

Here are the photos. They’re not great but they’ll do.
Crochet army doll 01 Crochet army doll 05 Crochet army doll 02-horz

Crochet army doll 06
UPDATE 10/28/15
Before delivering this doll to the man at the nursing home I had a feeling I should name the doll ‘Henry’ or “Herold.’ It turns out that the man’s name is Henry. I was very excited that the Lord shared that with me!

Discernment, or ‘How does the Lord speak to you?’

How DOES the Lord speak to you? Is it audible? In small whispers? Visually? Through dreams? Smells? Feelings?

I’m sure I’ve mentioned on and off how I felt that as soon as I was starting to hear from the Lord suddenly felt the communication was cut. And it was to one extent, but not to others.
At the time I didn’t fully understand how the Lord wanted to speak to me, I only knew that I was angry and slightly bitter that He spoke to others more audibly and clearly and I felt that I was constantly left in the dark.

I was and I wasn’t in the dark.
I was in the dark in some ways because he needed me to grow in him more and walk with him more on the path he has chosen for me. Being in the dark was more due to my lack of understanding of that at the time. On the other hand, I wasn’t in the dark because he was still with me and I just had to learn how he wants me to hear from him, which takes time and patience, something I lack far too often.
I’ve known for a while that the Lord has given me the gift of discernment, especially when it comes to feeling, perceiving, seeing (in mind or in spirit, I’m not sure), and even smelling demons or their presence. For some reason it took me months to make the connection that I DISCERN when I hear from the Lord! Oh my folly and my foolishness. If anyone knows how to make me feel like a bonehead, it’s me. It took someone else actually telling me “that’s discernment” when I was talking about how the Lord speaks to me for me to get it.

Now I do not believe the Lord will only communicate to someone in ONE particular way, He’s too awesome and His ways are too vast for that. I’ve had dreams and I’ve had visions. I’ve seen the flash of angels leaving (they’re very bright and VERY fast. Unfortunately I didn’t have a good look at them, though I still want to see them more clearly). I’ve felt the Lord above me and beside me. I’ve felt God’s right hand, which was actually very frightening and full of indescribable power. I’ve felt the presence of angels being close and guarding areas I’ve prayed for. He speaks through scripture. He’s speaks through songs and through memories.
God speaks to all of us in many different ways when we are seeking Him. If you unsure how God speaks to you just keep seeking him. Dig into the Word (the Bible), spend some quality time talking to Him with as little distraction as possible, stop doubting yourself and push through. I’ve been there. You have to keep fighting for it and open yourself up to Him. The more you push the more He will see that you’re serious and willing, not easy to give up. And when you fall (which is not a question of IF you will fall because we all do) remember He is still there ready and willing to pick you up.

I was just reminded of this scripture, it’s of the disciples on the boat in the sea when Jesus was walking on water to meet them.
But straightway Jesus spake unto them, saying, Be of good cheer; it is I; be not afraid.  (How often are we afraid when the Lord shows us something we’re not used to!)
And Peter answered him and said, Lord, if it be thou, bid me come unto thee on the water. And he said, Come. And when Peter was come down out of the ship, he walked on the water, to go to Jesus. (that takes faith!)
But when he saw the wind boisterous, he was afraid; and beginning to sink, he cried, saying, Lord, save me. (Here comes the doubt.)
And immediately Jesus stretched forth his hand, and caught him, and said unto him, O thou of little faith, wherefore didst thou doubt?

That verse always gets me, “And immediately Jesus stretched forth his hand, and caught him,”
How often are we called by the Lord and we turn and look around us and fear creeps in to cause us to sink? Yet He is always faithful and true. He’s always right there to catch you if you slip and if you fall. I’ve always heard this growing up but until you start to go through it (and sometimes it can take more time than you might expect) you can’t fully appreciate it and understanding it. I would say a great question to ask when you find yourself with a lack of faith and doubting is, Why? Not WHAT are you doubting, but why? Regardless of knowing the answer or not, take it to Jesus. He will help you with it.

I thank the Lord for his lessons and his grace, with which we are saved. I hope and pray that maybe others can learn from the experiences (and mistakes) that I share and that they know that they are not alone with what they go through and what they may feel.
For those who do not yet know how the Lord speaks to them, remember that it takes time and you have to learn how to listen. Listening takes patience and time with the Lord. Don’t give up, especially after you fall, and keep up the good fight.