Discouraged and Rejection (a letter)

05/09/2017
10:25am

Lord,
I’m sorry for this morning – and for last night. I’ve been discouraged about everything and instead of bringing it all to You I’ve been trying to ignore it. I know it’s out of my control. I think I do that sometimes because I’m ashamed to admit it (again). I’m ashamed to admit it because I feel I should know better and have the faith that opposes it. I hate getting discouraged over and over and fear disapproval if I can’t seem to get my faith in the right areas.
I know this is foolish in thought. You are my God and my friend. You alone know my heart better than I do.
I am weak, Lord. I want to be someone You take joy in and I always fear disappointing You. I guess I mostly fear that You will get tired of my problems and complaining when they arise and that I will be rejected because of weaknesses. I know these fears stem from my relationship with my dad and every male relationship I have ever had. I know also they stem from others as well but that’s the first that comes to mind.
I’m afraid to show weakness which is why I try to be so strong…

But I am not strong.

I know that You are the only one that gives me strength and I need to depend on You.
I know that I will be healed of all wounds concerning rejection and trust (as well as all others) as long as I allow You to work in me and through me in all areas.

That controls is difficult to give up, Lord.
You get so used to burying it because you don’t want to feel the pain it has caused you, but even then, the symptoms make their way through and effect you in ways you’re not always fully aware of. They end up causing more issues that you cannot place the root of the problem…
I guess just like a tree – roots are always buried.

I’m sorry I haven’t been coming to You more and I know that’s not good stewardship or even a good friendship on my part.
I ask You to forgive me.
Sometimes I have to remind myself that You are unlike anyone I have ever met in my lifetime.
You are loving and kind.
You are patient and gentle.
You are holy and pure.
You are righteous and my Salvation.
You alone are worthy and True.
You wont push me away, even if I try to push You away at times due to my own hurt.

Lord, I long for your embrace and comfort.

I’m tired of feeling so alone and rejected. I’m tired of being the kind of person, deep down, that pushes others away (I know it’s due to fears of rejection and pain).
I want to be loving to others the way You are.
I want to be righteous the way You are.
I want to be giving and full of faith towards all that You give me and do.
I want to have hope and faith that leaps and bounds over anything that arises.
I want to be there when You call me and say, “Here I am”
I want to not be afraid to say “send me.”
I want to stand on a mountain of faith with You.

Lord, I was healed of my fear of abandonment. I pray also to be healed of rejection and the fear of rejection. Please lead and guide my steps. Take my hand when I stumble and lift me back up. Lead me across each step. Let me not fall, O Lord my God and my King.

I know this goes back to rejection in the womb. You’ve pointed that out to me before.
I don’t know how deep it will all go but I pray You will be at my side the entire way.

I have to let You lead in all things in my life – I wouldn’t know where to start anyway.
You know what’s best for me and I give all things to You. I’ll try not to resist when You bring something up or bring something to my attention. Please let me know when it is You – You know how the enemy loves to try to poke those wounds.
I ask for protection from them for myself and Brandon; for my family and his and all those we love that are sent by You.
Guard and prepare our hearts, Lord.

I love you. I don’t want to let You down or disappoint You.
Thank You for loving me beyond my understanding.
Thank You for forgiving me, for Your patience, and understanding.

Lindsey

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