Covering up many struggles

When we focus on one struggle are we covering up the real one?

Are we able to see it?

Is it the one causing us so much grief internally, subconsciously, yet we can’t see it?

How often do we focus on the wrong struggle and not realize the underlying root?

It’s easy to do, especially when pain is involved.

It’s easy to not trust the Lord and in our hearts not believe He has good in store for us. It’s easy to believe we are so terrible we must deserve all of our anguish and afflictions.

Of course this is something that every other Christian would look down upon. We’re supposed to know better, aren’t we? We’re supposed to never struggle and our lives are supposed to be so easy, right? Where in the Bible does it say that? Persecution is around every corner, whether from the devil or man. Struggles are real, evident, and we’re told of them throughout the entire Bible, if you really do read it.

I’ve struggled most of my life, though I wasn’t always aware of it until more recently. I’ve been in pain since birth, though I had no understanding. I’ve been wounded and in anguish, though I’ve had no words to explain it. I’ve been bruised my whole life, though it hid subconsciously. It still hides from me though I can feel it deep down, somewhere, without words to express it. This thing or darkness inside that I have had no knowledge of. This overwhelming pain that has plagued me, though I never understood.

Jeremiah 29:11-14
For I know the thoughts that I think toward you, saith the LORD, thoughts of peace, and not of evil, to give you an expected end.
Then shall ye call upon me, and ye shall go and pray unto me, and I will hearken unto you.
And ye shall seek me, and find me, when ye shall search for me with all your heart.
And I will be found of you, saith the LORD: and I will turn away your captivity, and I will gather you from all the nations, and from all the places whither I have driven you, saith the LORD; and I will bring you again into the place whence I caused you to be carried away captive.

As Christians (or not) we have all doubted God. We have all gone through times of not trusting in Him. I don’t think there has ever been a human alive that hasn’t questioned their future in the eyes of God or His plan for their life.

Do you believe the scripture above?

Do you REALLY believe it?

Do you believe it in your heart?

I admit I struggle with it. I often look to those verses for encouragement for myself.
When personal pain outweighs the understanding we have of His love toward us the simple solution or answer is that we don’t understand His love. It’s difficult to grasp and everyone has struggled with it. I admit I struggle. I admit I do not understand Christ’s love for me. I admit I do not understand all the things I have gone through, some of which I am not even aware of yet.
Do I have hope that I will someday? I believe at times I do, if I stop and think about it. Or I at least try to.

When you’ve grown up with distrust being your closest friend it overpowers the longing you have for true companionship and real love. Love that only comes from the true Father.
I didn’t understand that until a few years ago.

Pain is real. Anguish is real. Anyone who has truly gone through either or both knows how difficult it can be.

I admit I have asked the Lord so many times to take me home. I can honestly say that’s the main thing I look forward to someday.
Does that make me sound suicidal? I don’t believe it does. Why?
Shouldn’t every Christian have a strong desire to be with the Lord? To want it so badly that they would forsake everyone else they have ever known or met just to be with Him?

I would forsake all just to be with Him for eternity.

But it’s not my time and I realize my desire is selfish.

I admit that one of the only things that keeps me going is that I know there is work to be done for His sake. I love Him enough to admit that I must forsake my desire so I can carry out what He needs me to do here.
Could He get someone else to do it? Yes, but He created me for something specific. He created all of us for something very specific and I care more about carrying out His plan and His goal than I do my own desires.

We are all created for a purpose. I know I love Him enough that I don’t want to disappoint Him. I don’t want to let Him down the way I have been let down. I want to show Him how much I love Him by standing firm in the path He sets before me. And if I can’t stand I will crawl. And if I can’t crawl I will wait for Him to pick me up and carry me through.

As far as pain and anguish, the goal is to let it go. The goal is to trust all of that pain to the Lord. To take it and say, “Lord, I have no idea what to do with this and it hurts so bad. Please take it because I can’t stand it. I can’t take it anymore, Lord.”

When there’s no possibility for any human to relieve your pain then it needs supernatural relief from the Lord.

My pain still haunts me, but it comes from deep wounds I was unaware of until last year. I do not know the extent of my wounds, nor do I know how many there are. But He knows and He’s already got a plan (I admit, it still scares me).

Wounds can be like trees. You can see the struggles that are more evident in branches and leaves, and although you may fight with them they will always come back. They will always regrow until you take out the root system of that tree.

The title of this post is “Covering up many struggles” and that’s what I have been doing. I have been so focused on one particular struggle I have had that I had been ignoring the underlying root. I was fighting a branch when I think the problem stems from deep, deep roots.
I see that now, though I admit I still don’t know where to go from here.

We can’t see the next step until we’re shown.
You can’t be shown until you seek.
You can’t also be shown until you stop and listen.
You can’t listen until you be still.

Seek. Be still and Listen.

On to the next step:
Sometimes, what you may find, is that the next step can be taken for you.
You just have to learn to trust and give it a shot. What is there to lose? It wont make your pain worse (maybe slightly more evident if you’ve been trying to bury it).

What if the pain can be stopped?
What if it can be removed?
What about it being replaced with something so much better?

You don’t have that capability in you. Only Christ does. Let Him work.

Grieve if you must, but let Him take control. You’ve had control long enough.

My soul, wait thou only upon God; for my expectation is from him. -Psalm 62:5